“Take responsibility of your own happiness, never put it in other people’s hands.”
― Roy T. Bennett
“The right thing to do and the hard thing to do are usually the same.”
― Steve Maraboli
“Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself.”
― Jean-Paul Sartre
Why Most Men Will Never Know Real Stability
Real men take care of business.
They do what needs to be done. They DO. They stay on top of things.
An effective leader takes care of his team by expressing appreciation and rewarding team members.
The attentive investor monitors his portfolio and stays up on the markets.
Diligent earners track their expenses and income.
Conscientious car owners maintain tire pressure, fuel and oil levels, and perform other vehicle maintenance at regular intervals.
All of these forms of maintenance have their rewards, whether it’s good vehicle performance, personal solvency, high investment yields, or winning teams.
There’s another kind of maintenance that promises even better rewards, though. It yields happiness, security, peace, contentment, satisfaction, and stability.
This type of upkeep can produce such rewards for anyone.
All of these benefits will materialize for you when you regularly and consciously maintain your primary relationship.
What If You Don’t Have One?
If you’re single and have no wife, girlfriend, or significant relationship, I recommend you develop the skills to effectively be in a relationship. Then find a partner. In that order.
Even if you’re already married, you would be wise to focus attention on your capacity to be a partner. You may or may not have already honed these skills.
Nobody is so advanced that they can’t improve their ability to be in a relationship.
Often I see people (both men and women) focused too much on finding “the right one.” But they would more effectively attract a partner if they put more attention on becoming a good partner.
How Do You Do It?
If this is a new concept to you, you’re likely to ask how exactly you might “maintain” your marriage.
But that’s just the point—you look at it as necessary upkeep. Your car is obviously different from your marriage because it’s not an object. But your marriage is very much like your car in that if you continue to use it without caring for it, it’s going to breakdown.
Look at your relationship like other things in life that need your attention: your car, your physical health, your finances, even your Golden Retriever. But you’ll soon realize that your marriage is one of the most important aspects of your life.
Therefore, it requires much more care and attention.
Nothing compares to your partnership as a source of satisfaction, confidence, security, contentment, peace, happiness, or stability!
I Won’t Use the D-word
You may notice that I haven’t suggested that you “date” your wife. Nor have I even hinted that you “court” her.
Most men I know bristle at such words.
Nor will I give you a list of dating ideas. (maybe in a future article)
One client I worked with whose relationship was in more trouble than he knew became upset when his longtime girlfriend said she wanted him to court her. He told me that he “shouldn’t have to EARN sex!”
*insert Jim Halpert expression here*
That’s the WRONG reason to put attention on your relationship.
If that’s your endgame, you’re destined for an unfulfilled life (if in fact your relationship does continue).
To discover a sense of stability or satisfaction or any of the other qualities I mentioned above, your goal for maintaining your relationship must be to provide those very qualities for your wife.
While the average man feels satisfied when his wife gives herself to him physically, the average woman feels secure when he gives himself to her emotionally.
When you open up emotionally, you’re providing your wife with peace and security, then she wants you to feel stable and content, and you’re both more likely to enjoy physical satisfaction as a bonus.
Best Way to Start Maintaining Your Relationship
Specific instructions for maintaining and nurturing your marriage may become a separate article in the future, but here’s an effective place to start:
Simply say something to her like this, “I don’t care what we do as long as I get to spend some time with you.”
You can suggest something, or ask her for an idea. What you do is less important than your intention behind it. And your intention to enhance what you two have together will become her sense of security.
Remember how you felt after you first met? You wanted to be with her. You wanted to talk and get to know her.
Be on purpose to do more of that.
You’re already responsible for maintaining and putting attention on so many other aspects of your life. Adjust your focus to maintain and nurture the most important thing of all—your relationship with your partner.
Your future self (and future partner) will thank you for it.